Thursday, February 17, 2011

Welcome to Hell

When the LAE results came out last week, various public fora were once again flooded with questions about life at Malcolm Hall. For the most part, upperclassmen and alumni are more than willing to accomodate the incoming victims' freshmen's questions, if only to reassure them this early, that everything will be ok.

I am reposting a part of an entry in the old LSG blog from way back. From what little I remember from that first year in law school, this should more than sufficiently sum up what every freshman needs to know in order to survive his first year in UP Law.


Dear Scaebolah,

I’m depressed. Ever since I got into law school I rarely see my old college buddies, and my girlfriend is starting to think we’re growing apart. I think it’s because of all these readings. Please help!

Blue Frosh

Dear Blue Frosh,

Have you not read The Great Message Inscribed in Marble? You’re here to be great lawyers, not happy, well-adjusted ones. Hello!?! Expresio unius est exclusio alterius. If you wanted to stay socially functional, you should have just taken an M.A..

The law school is here to fashion you to into a minister of law, praying for litigation. But until then, as far as your professors are concerned, you are the lowest possible life form.

Take to heart the ideal that you have to strive for. The lawyer is a priest of justice (In re Thatcher, 80 Ohio St. Rep., 492, 669), bound to uphold the dignity and authority of the law. Or, in case you want to be a judge or justice someday, this is how you must be:

"A man of learning who spends tirelessly the weary hours after midnight acquainting himself with the great body of traditions and the learning of the law.

A man who bears himself in his community with friends but without familiars; almost lonely, devoting himself exclusively to the most exacting mistress that man ever had, the law as a profession in its highest reaches where he not only interprets the law but applies it, fearing neither friend nor foe, fearing only one thing in the world — that in a moment of abstraction, or due to human weakness, he may in fact commit some error and fail to do justice. That is the judge." (Newton D. Baker, Secretary of War of the United States of America during World War I, quoted in GEORGE A. MALCOLM, Legal and Judicial Ethics, 1949 ed., 200.)

What does the above text say? First, you have to be a man (sorry ladies). Second, you have to be studying late at night, not worrying about whether or not you’ll get some bumping and grinding with your girlfriend (chances are, you guys won’t last until the end of the year anyway). So deal.

My advice is to make do with your blockmates as your temporary barkada substitute. Or do what I did during my first semester: I named my stacks of readings, painted a face on each of them, and hanged out with them all sem. I had so much fun, and to this day they’re still my friends.



Dear Scaebolah,

Do my professors care about me? I mean, as a person?


Dear Afraid,

Hahaha! What a hoot! The answer should be obvious. :P



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