Alternate Reality

Major League Baseball destroys the clothing that was made for its runners-up. The NBA donates it to an overseas charity. The NFL sends it to a place far away.

Apparently, the UAAP sends it to Subic.

Song of the Year

Pagdating sa Naga
Dun tayo mag-beach

- Express Highway, Bloomfields

Nice song, Bloomfields.

Except, of course, for the fact that Naga is landlocked.

*facepalm*

T.I.M.Y.A.P.

Tang Inang Mukha Yan Ang Pangit.

This pathetic excuse for a human being, who actually provides the living argument why abortion should be legalized, put a previously unknown reporter's life in danger simply by being the irresponsible, insignificant moron that he is.

Napakalaki mong tanga.

Fine, Fine Time

Whoever at Nike decided to print only 150 Ateneo three-peat championship shirts is an absolute idiot. Either that, or he has developed an aversion to making money. In any case, it feels good to refer to that asshole, whoever he may be, as an absolute idiot. Almost therapeutic, even.

Look. Those 150 shirts would not even be enough for all the resident-students of Eliazo Hall alone. That is how dumb that decision is. That a demand for this shirt was artificially created is obvious - there is not enough supply even for the residents of the smallest dormitory in campus. It's like providing a slice of cake to a convention of supermodels the day before the apocalypse.

* * *

Of course, by now everyone knows that the blue birds from Loyola Heights won the UAAP men's basketball championship yet again, making them champions for three years running. This year, like last year, the cows from Morayta were favored to win it all, for good reason. The cows had two players who are members of the national basketball team. They had the eventual MVP and ROY. The birds, on the other hand, lost three players to graduation. All three players ended up being picked in the PBA draft, two of whom were picked first and second overall.

After the Game 1 blowout, there were suggestions of game-fixing. So, I will take this opportunity to confess. Yes, I bribed the entire crayola squad to play like shit that day. That is the only way I can ensure a 23-point blowout. Pay off every single soul wearing a yellow and green jersey. Having only the MVP in your pocket just doesn't cut it.

This explains why I almost had no more budget for the second game. Beavis almost refused to lose the game until funds were transfered just before he took three free throws at the endgame. He missed two, setting up Buenafe's shot of a lifetime on the other end.

If you believe any of that, then you must be someone from Nike who thinks that printing only 150 shirts for the most rabid basketball fans in the country is a cool thing.

* * *

I was lucky enough to watch most of the first round games, and some of the second round games live - including both games against the pepsters. The first round game was already won, before one player decided to lose the game all by himself. The second round game was pure, unadulterated pleasure. It was a game that was over by the middle of the first quarter.

Which is very much like the first game of the finals, which I watched from the comfort of a hotel room near Taft. I am still hoping that that would be the last time I would spend a night at that hotel. I watched the second game from Upper Box A, in the same section where an elated Jumbo Escueta later climbed up to moments after the final buzzer.

* * *

Speaking of the apocalypse, another moron decided to ruin some otherwise promising lives one afternoon in Manila, by throwing a fragmentation grenade at a huge throng of people in a celebratory mood. Over 40 people were injured, including a sophomore law student who had to lose both legs because of the senseless act of an idiot who could very well be the living argument that abortion should be legalized. I will forever be in awe of the courage shown by Ms. Raissa Laurel after the incident.

Quote of the Day

"We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious."

- Gollum Macapagal-Arroyo

Reeling and Writhing

It is amusing how the "country's largest political party" with its highly-touted "machinery" could not even field a complete Senate slate of twelve. This much was admitted, barely a week after party leaders shrugged off reports of defections, and referred to those who left the party as "insignificant."

Within the past week, the "country's largest political party" selected actor and game show host Edu Manzano to be its candidate for Vice-President of the Philippines (Can you say "Game KNB?"). Former Senator Ralph Recto and his wife Batangas Governor Vilma Santos confirmed yesterday that it left the "country's largest political party" for the Liberal Party. As far as I know, they were not called "insignificant." Earlier today, Quezon City Mayor Sonny Belmonte and Vice-Mayor Herbert Bautista followed suit.

With all the airtime its party leaders are enjoying, I am at a loss as to how it cannot field a slate of twelve. Off the top of my head, I can suggest Eduardo Ermita, Prospero Nograles, Prospero Pichay, Mikey Arroyo, Romulo Neri, Raul Gonzales, Ignacio Bunye, Anthony Golez, Cerge Remonde, and my all-time favorite Lorelei Fajardo. That's ten names right there. Add that to the eight other people they are considering (which incidentally includes incumbent Senators of the Republic Ramon "Bong" Revilla, Jr. and Lito Lapid), there is no way the "country's largest political party" cannot come up with twelve names, and there is no way they could possibly lose next year's elections.

Right.

Today, ladies and gentlemen, is the first day, of the rest of its life.

* * *

May 2010 is shaping up to be a three-way horse race among alumni of three institutions of higher learning: Aquino and Roxas are from Ateneo, Villar and Legarda are from UP, Teodoro and Manzano are from DLSU. Well, you know where my loyalties lie.

Wishlist

1. Noynoy Aquino and Mikey Arroyo slug it out for the presidency in 2010.

Iyon lang po, Lord.

Wish Ko Lang

In related news, the Papaya Indian Restaurant based in London, received an order from the Bangladeshi cricket team for a takeaway to be flown out 3,400 miles away to Dubai. The whole order, including travel, cost over £4,200 (or PhP333,400.00).

Which is still roughly US$13,077.00 (or PhP629,679.39) less than what the douchebag PGMA and her party spent on a "simple dinner" in Manhattan.

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1 US Dollar = 48.15167 Philippine Peso
1 British Pound = 1.64856 US Dollar

Dumbass

I have never been a fan of Willie Revillame, but this latest fuck up has got to take the freaking cake.

Huwag kang mag-alala Papi. Pag ikaw ang namatay, tatawa kami.

A Can of Whoop Ass

I thought that a football match broke out of the Pacquiao-Hatton laugher yesterday. But, only for less than two rounds. I guess they all know when to shut up.

By the way, maybe it is a good thing to send Nanay Dionesia to Vegas everytime the Pacman has a fight. I don't know, but it seems to me that she can get less airtime only if she's abroad. And even that is too much.

You know the ads got inside your head when you're still trying to shake the image of a woman fixing a leaking roof off it, a day after. Well, it's either that or Giselle Sanchez and her husband, and tongkat ali. Take your pick.
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image courtesy of Inquirer.net.

Greetings to All Alsallites!

It's your day, today!

The Final Set Outtakes

The last time I saw a clueless entertainer get booed off his ass was when Carlos Agassi tried to rap during halftime of an Ateneo-La Salle game. So, I was not really surprised when a good number of the over 100,000 people at the MOA concert grounds let MTV VJs have it. Moreso after Anne Curtis confessed to being excited to hear "Tindahan ni Aling Nene." WTF.

Posers come in all shapes and sizes. Tim Yap, the self-proclaimed eventologist, exposed himself as a total poser when Ely Buendia put him on the spot at the end of the show and he promptly showed everybody that he has absolutely no idea how to sing Toyang correctly.

Ministerial Duty

“The President just exercised her authority, and for that matter, you might call it ministerial authority, to grant executive clemency. So I don’t think there’s anything else to explain.”

- legal genius Eduardo Ermita, Executive Secretary, Banana Republic

I guess this means that convicts who comply with "the criteria" can now file petitions for mandamus to compel the President to grant them executive clemency. What a nublet.

Class

Signs of the Times

On the way from Katipunan to the ULTRA for yesterday's game against the NU Bulldogs, we saw a sign painted on a pedestrian overpass proudly saying:

SIGE, PASIG. SIGE PA.

I am actually ambivalent as to whether this is simply a cheap attempt by the Pasig city government to emphasize its use of the letter "E" in its slogan, or a magnificent marketing ploy to promote its most (in)famous industry (No, it's not retail).

What's next? Here are a few suggestions:

GANYAN, PASIG. GANYAN.

BILISAN MO, PASIG. BILISAN MO PA.

MALAPIT NA, PASIG. MALAPIT NA.

For any more suggestions, please contact Pasig City Hall.

Wanted: Tubero

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, was a little hamlet where 16 silly and very unfortunate people lived. The kingdom was ruled by four wicked witches (five, actually, but no one in the hamlet, took the fifth one seriously), any one of which, by comparison, by most people's estimation, will make Dolores Umbridge look like a charming, old lady. This early, their fledgling reign of terror may have already surpassed the magnitude of horror and sheer evil of all those which came before.

The first witch is not new. The silly people from the hamlet has had her as administrator before, and each and every one of them was her biatch at some point. Some were eventually exiled. Some ran away. Most decided that they can probably just humor the bitch and let her be. No one knows to this day whether that worked or not. Those who ran away came back after a few years, after finding out that resistance is, ultimately, futile. Mercifully, the gods decided that the hamlet has had enough suffering from the periods past, and reduced the scope of duties of the first witch, such that the hamlet will not be reminded of Madonna, as often as before.

The second witch was born when all the hate in the world was for the taking, and everyone else but her was perfectly sound asleep. She took all the hate - ALL - that the world can give, and kept it all for herself. A great majority of that hate has settled on her ass. That burden, has disfigured her face forever - cursed never to smile again until the end of time.

The third witch is confused and is confusing. She hates all things with little dongs swaying in the wind. She is most definitely a narcissist, and also appears to be a psychotic sociopath whose episodes can be as confusing as her gender. She tries to make her subjects at ease, that is, until one of her episodes kick in, and tell you matter-of-factly, that she'll have your head chopped off by sundown.

The fourth witch appears to have a life outside the coven. She had a husband and a child long before she became a wicked witch. She looks happy, and at the beginning, may have tried to stoke fear into the hearts of her silly subjects. The people are not yet sure as to whether they will love her or hate her, but they are not (yet) trembling from fear of pain and suffering, upon hearing her footsteps. She appears to be quite a reasonable witch, but the hamlet has been wrong before.

The hamlet, is now wondering, "what the fuck is wrong with the first three witches?" Is it in the water? Is it in the plumbing? Maybe the plumbing no longer works, and water no longer flows through the pipes. Who knows?

Res Ipsa Loquitur

How Sulpicio Lines Arrived at a Decision to Sue PAGASA

I'm Moving to Japan

Again, Deep Thoughts

Metro Manila cab drivers are the scum of the Earth.

The day cab drivers in the metropolis stop refusing to convey passengers, is the day a public utility jeepney that can comfortably accomodate all its passengers is invented and mass-produced. It will never happen. If you need to show the utter inutility and incompetence of the LTFRB, the only thing you need to do is try to get a cab ride in Metro Manila, without the driver coming up with some lousy excuse why he cannot go to wherever it is you're going (you'll swear they have some manual on coming up with these excuses), or trying to extort a few more bucks out of you.

* * *

After much thought, I have come to the conclusion that Pokwang is the most annoying person on television now, and probably, ever.

Pokwang, for the uninitiated, is trying hard to be a comedian. The only problem is, the only thing she has going for her, and the only thing she is banking on, is her funny face (read: she is fugly). She tries hard to be funny every freaking day by overly exaggerating every word she says, every facial expression and gesture she makes, and by wearing outrageously stupid costumes so lame, it can probably set off someone with the slightest hint of homicidal tendencies, make him go up the stage, and start chopping her up. The tragedy is, she thinks she's cute that way. Every day, she goes up the stage with Precious Lara Quigaman, Valerie Concepcion, and Mariel Rodriguez. Once you see them all together, you could almost swear you're hearing a Sesame Street song on the background ("Three of these kids belong together; Three of these kids are kind of the same . . .").

(Folks from Honolulu actually shelled out $100/head to party with Pokwang, presumably, among others. If this is not a sad commentary on the Filipino migrant, I do not know what is.)

* * *

We really have a new dean.

Coming through on his promise of encouraging students to "take more responsibility in their choice of electives and professors," CRS, for the first time, is posting the names of the assigned professors. No more TBAs.

(So far, he-who-must-not-be-named is nowhere to be found in CRS. Looking good.)