Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Wanted: Tubero

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, was a little hamlet where 16 silly and very unfortunate people lived. The kingdom was ruled by four wicked witches (five, actually, but no one in the hamlet, took the fifth one seriously), any one of which, by comparison, by most people's estimation, will make Dolores Umbridge look like a charming, old lady. This early, their fledgling reign of terror may have already surpassed the magnitude of horror and sheer evil of all those which came before.

The first witch is not new. The silly people from the hamlet has had her as administrator before, and each and every one of them was her biatch at some point. Some were eventually exiled. Some ran away. Most decided that they can probably just humor the bitch and let her be. No one knows to this day whether that worked or not. Those who ran away came back after a few years, after finding out that resistance is, ultimately, futile. Mercifully, the gods decided that the hamlet has had enough suffering from the periods past, and reduced the scope of duties of the first witch, such that the hamlet will not be reminded of Madonna, as often as before.

The second witch was born when all the hate in the world was for the taking, and everyone else but her was perfectly sound asleep. She took all the hate - ALL - that the world can give, and kept it all for herself. A great majority of that hate has settled on her ass. That burden, has disfigured her face forever - cursed never to smile again until the end of time.

The third witch is confused and is confusing. She hates all things with little dongs swaying in the wind. She is most definitely a narcissist, and also appears to be a psychotic sociopath whose episodes can be as confusing as her gender. She tries to make her subjects at ease, that is, until one of her episodes kick in, and tell you matter-of-factly, that she'll have your head chopped off by sundown.

The fourth witch appears to have a life outside the coven. She had a husband and a child long before she became a wicked witch. She looks happy, and at the beginning, may have tried to stoke fear into the hearts of her silly subjects. The people are not yet sure as to whether they will love her or hate her, but they are not (yet) trembling from fear of pain and suffering, upon hearing her footsteps. She appears to be quite a reasonable witch, but the hamlet has been wrong before.

The hamlet, is now wondering, "what the fuck is wrong with the first three witches?" Is it in the water? Is it in the plumbing? Maybe the plumbing no longer works, and water no longer flows through the pipes. Who knows?

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