Reclusion Perpetua

Weng and I are off to Naga this weekend to attend a friend's wedding. It's about freaking time. You see, it took them only about 10 years before both of them decided to finally tie the knot. Just for perspective, they have been dating for maybe three years or so, before I met my then future wife. Well, at least, we know that they really thought about this very seriously. We can also rest assured that they are entering into this special contract knowing fully well all its effects and consequences, both having taken up law, and presumably familar with the Family Code. For his own health and physical integrity, I also would like to remind the groom of the significance of Art. 247 of the Revised Penal Code.

I spent the last five months or so listening to an old fart make the same old jokes about his marriage and his wife, week after week. The jokes were admittedly funny (at least for the first two times you hear them). But, when you think about it, marriage is really not so bad. Really (Granted there are others out there who will swear otherwise). Although I have to submit that he has a valid point about how the wedding ring restricts the circulation ("of the blooooood!"). Of course, when you really get tempted to take it off to uhm, permit circulation, you can always remember Art. 247, supra.

Speaking of wedding rings, after the four-hour funfest last weekend, I went to the marketplace that is SM Megamall to have my eyeglasses fixed. Weng went there later and we decided to finally have our names inscribed on our wedding rings - over three years after the fact. The delay was not deliberate on our part - we simply have not gotten around to doing it for the past three years. I was thinking to have "Oh my God, what have I done?!" inscribed, but it looked like the words wouldn't fit.

I was kidding. Really.

More Ads

I never thought I'd see a worse TV commercial than that of Mekeni Food Products, until I saw the ad for Arthro Food Supplement. Until you see it with your own two eyes, you wouldn't believe somebody would be so stupid as to show something like that on TV.

In the ad, a rather unfortunate old man, apparently in really bad shape, testifies before your very eyes how sick he is, while his pitiable condition is shown onscreen. At that point, you are expecting him to drop dead anytime soon. But no. Due to the miracle that is Arthro Food Supplement, the still unfortunate old man, obviously still in really bad shape, is next shown doing something which oddly resembles jogging (or maybe he's trying to kill himself, I can't really tell), and unconvincingly proclaims "Ayan! Ang lakas ko!"

Whoever came up with that ad, should be fired, shot and quartered, not necessarily in that order. I saw pretty horrible ads in my life - from a toothpaste ad asking the entire family "How do you brush your teeth?" to a cowboy with an unmistakable American twang asserting the efficacy of a mosquito coil in the vernacular - but this one, hands down, takes not only the freaking cake, but the entire bakery with it.

Die, Bitch, Die

"Ikaw ang kanlungan sa kahirapan/ Ikaw ang pagasa at kinabukasan/ Haplos mo ay lunas sa bawat pagal/ Ikaw ang dampi ng pagmamahal: PCSO."

There really are only a few things in TV that are a notch higher than mediocre, so you don't really expect the extraordinary, and you don't exactly turn on the tube hoping that the networks would cut down the tele-fanta-sine-seryes and whatnot, and show something intelligent for a change.

So, there are really, really very few things in TV nowadays that would arouse one's senses and stir one's blood into murderous rage.

Take for instance, PCSO's ad. This is slowly becoming to be the most annoying, infuriating, fingernails against the blackboard-type ad ever created by man. The lyrics of the song are probably the most juvenile and pathetic lines of futile attempts at basic poetry that I have ever heard in my life. Whoever came up with this shit must be high on something really very cheap. Either that or they did not have enough monkeys and typewriters.

But no, it doesn't end there. In the ad, while the band (which nobody in the country has ever heard of, but now has more airtime than Parokya ni Edgar) is adeptly demonstrating exactly why nobody has ever heard of them, GMA is portrayed in various poses of care and concern. I don't know shit about psychology, but with the lyrics of the "song" and her face together, it's almost diabolical.

Kurt Vonnegut, 84

- drawing by Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five

Sonofabeach

Yesterday was the first day in a quite a while that I did not have to even touch a single book written by any old, dying, or dead lawyer. After the three-hour mind-numbing, harakiri-inducing exercise last Tuesday, the last thing you wanted to do was look at the text of the Civil Code. You were just grateful that the gods saw it fit to mercifully end your misery, and make the three hours gently pass into oblivion, before you can figure out whether the goddamn aquarium guy was a depositor or a bailor.

While most of our fellow masochists are enjoying the summer, or taking summer classes (why they want to subject themselves into such horror, in the only two months of the year that you can actually watch dibidis, is way beyond my comprehension), we lucky bastards still have to prepare for one more four-hour funfest and one whodafuckknows. Hopefully, all of these will come to pass before June - when succession, corpo, et. al. come along.

The good thing is I made it a point to enjoy summer at the same time as the rest of the country. Last week, Weng and I visited the folks at Gapo and spent Saturday at White Rock in Subic. I grew up five minutes away by foot from the coast of Subic Bay. It was the first time I paid any amount of money to swim in it. But, it was all good. After last Tuesday, I was able to confirm that I made the right choice. No further amount of preparation could have prepared me for that one. So, if anything, the pictures should be able to explain my grades.

Granfalloons*

My old basketball team won the alumni league championship in its division two Saturdays ago. It was the team's first championship since the league's founding in 2000. For the past two years, the concurrent demands of unreasonable clients and really, unreasonable professors of the grand manner, would not permit me to join the team, and be its human victory cigar. I would have loved to be on this year's team - I would have been a champion without even breaking a sweat. Literally.

Speaking of the grand manner, three folks from Diliman made it to the top ten of the most hyped examination (probably, rightly so) in these islands. Somebody from my father's Alma Mater placed first. Good for him, and good for all of us, as well. This year's top ten, at the very least, shows that the provincial schools have enough brain cells to give Imperial Manila a run for its money. Nevertheless, I am still happy that the only two law schools I ever considered applying to are still in the list, as always.

On a related note, if you're shopping for a law school, check out if the owner also owns a car dealership. The confluence of such orthogonal factors appears to be a good incentive to prepare well for the Bar.

---
*A granfalloon, in the fictional religion of Bokononism (invented by Kurt Vonnegut in his 1963 novel Cat's Cradle), is defined as a "false karass" (imagined communities). That is, it is a group of people who outwardly choose or claim to have a shared identity or purpose, but whose mutual association is actually meaningless in terms of fulfilling God's design. The most common granfalloons are associations and societies based on a shared but ultimately fabricated premise.
- From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Did You Know?

Reading the Revised Internal Rules of the Sandiganbayan can actually kill off parts of your autonomous nervous system.

Orapronobis

Four exams, one paper, and one whodafuckknows, and my second year in hell is over. Woohoo! Three more to go!

Pretty soon, I'll be missing all the things that make life in Malcolm, oh-so-fun! Hint: We dont need no thought control; No dark sarcasm in the classroom...

Right now I am praying that I can motivate myself to prepare for the upcoming exams like hell. Who am I kidding? I should be reading Crim Pro now - no check that -I should be reading Crim Pro yesterday. I really, honestly want to do well. Oh God, please give me a 3.

The thing is, I have been doing this for two years now and somehow, it always feels like the first time. Yeah, I wish all things are like that. You enter the room and you almost, always feel, that you could have probably prepared more. Yep, like I could have memorized the fucking textbook. I probably need to learn to relax some more.

Speaking of relaxing, we can breathe easy now because we were allowed to take one of the exams on a separate date. This, after the other blocks mindlessly refused to move the date, after the professor announced that she's willing to have it moved to after the Holy Week. Of course, after we were able to get the professor's permission, and after we wrote a Palanca-worthy letter to her (I'll give you one shot to guess who wrote the magnificent letter), some blocks now want to join us. Well, sure. It's a free country. Lookie here, weren't you fuckers planning on taking it this week? What? You're not "well-equipped?" Then, WHYTHEFUCK did you want to take it this week in the first fucking place?!

Goals

Almost halfway there.

Legalized Larceny

Once Confucius was walking on the mountains and he came across a woman weeping by a grave. He asked the woman what her sorrow was, and she replied, "We are a family of hunters. My father was eaten by a tiger. My husband was bitten by a tiger and died. And now my only son!" "Why don't you move down and live in the valley? Why do you continue to live up here?" asked Confucius. And the woman replied, "But sir, there are no tax collectors here!" Confucius added to his disciples, "You see, a bad government is more to be feared than tigers."
- Lin Yutang

I just saw my payslip today. Consequently, I also realized that I made the right decision by enrolling at the State University. At least, (1) I know that my taxes are well spent (read: spent on me), and (2) I know that I am getting my money's worth (I think).

Why is this suddenly so important? Well for one, I want a Macbook. But, I cannot get one right now. I also want a PS3. And an iPod Nano. Nevermind the Civic.

It is the election period, after all. And if we are not vigilant, and we are most definitely not, I am pretty sure that bad people (Joker will make you lagot!) can find plenty of ingenious and creative ways of funneling money from the National Treasury to Garci's best friend's efforts at achieving "Unity," if you get my drift. In the not so distant past, even agriculture secretaries have been known to allocate your and my taxes to things totally and absolutely unrelated to planting rice.

Word is, even the Comelec is short on kerosene nowadays. But, that's another story.

Oh, and Pacquiao has an upcoming bout. So, we also might be paying for the airfares and allowances of some honorable representatives of the people who may be attending some Filipino-American conference somewhere near San Antonio, TX sometime mid-April, without us even knowing about it. And if the Pacman is not thinking too much about dislodging a known opposition member from the House during the bout, we might be blessed yet again, of (1) the sight of Chavit on top of the ring, and (2) of the sound of that voice, which no Filipino, other than the Press Secretary and members of the President's immediate family, will mistake for other than that of the most-hated woman in the history of this country, eerily speaking through the din, "Hello Manny?"

Useless Thoughts

I just miraculously finished all the administrative crap that needed to be done at the office which, incidentally, are all due today. I know that I could have finished them all last week, but I try to put off until tomorrow what I can do today. I just see no point in fulfilling obligations not yet due and demandable.

Last night was the series premiere of Heroes in these islands. It is a very good thing that the semester is just about over, and that our Mondays suddenly cleared up. And thank God for Channels 9 and 23. The so-called Kapuso and Kapamilya networks seem to just keep on churning out garbage, and outdoing each other on coming up with either rehashed story lines or imported dramas, and so far, it's the viewer who's on the losing end.

And what's up with the old man? I don't know if senility is catching up with the arrogant dick, but he really needs to take it easy. He should also stop reliving tales about the good old days. It's the 21st fucking century. We cannot go back to 1941. Unless he can bend time, which I reasonably doubt.

Apparently, the man had the utter misfortune of having professors who are arrogant and aloof. Big deal. Our professors are arrogant, aloof, and assholes. It is also no secret that the old man thinks very lowly of today's generation of students. The thing is nobody cares. I think of some people ahead of me at the ATM line as having the same intellect as that of amoeba, but that wouldn't make them work the ATM faster. Look gramps, nobody is forcing you to talk to me. And contrary to what you think, we do know a thing ar two. We just shut our traps because you are not relevant to us and it's not worth the aggravation.

Back in Time

Last week, I missed seeing the closest thing possible to an Eraserheads reunion. Marcus, Buddy and Raymund got together with Cambio for the book launching of Tikman ang Langit at Powerbooks GB4, which happened to be 10 freaking minutes away by foot from where I am sitting right now. The book supposedly "chronicles the lives of 14 Eraserheads fans as they grew up with the band’s music." Ely was conspicuously absent.

I am not really too excited about the book. It was written by a couple of IT reporters, and not by the members of the greatest Filipino band ever. Besides, I really don't care much about the lives of the Eheads' fans other than mine.

What I sorely missed was the first performance of all three former Eheads in four years. Scratch that. Truth be told, I never saw the Eheads perform live. Ever. That may be the one thing that I wish I could have done. Years ago, I had to forego being in an Eheads concert because of a planned road trip that I couldn't miss. I figured, there would be more concerts to come. Yeah, right. Of course, at that time, nobody - and I mean nobody - ever imagined that they would break up after a few more years because of "height differences."

Final Approach

I cannot wait for this semester to end. The solitary thing that keeps me going, is the thought that only a little less than a month is left on the academic calendar. After that, bliss and eternal happiness. Not unless, of course, I flunk a subject or two. Oh, God. Please make the bad man stop.

This, by the way, is the heaviest, most loaded semester we ever had, and hopefully, ever will have for the rest of our stay at hell, both with respect to the number of courses and the number of units. As you can well surmise, I am trying to reassure, if not convince, myself that it's going to be relatively easier after this. Yeah. Who the fuck am I kidding?

We have discovered during the course of the semester that the number of units per subject don't mean shit. Two-unit subjects, in particular, are utterly misleading. We did not know, for instance, that they require four-hour exams. Where you really get to use the whole four hours. That is about as long as the entrance exam to the college. Without breaks.

The three unit subjects, on the other hand are something else. One has been expressly made to be a distance education course - we meet only a week before the exams, ala Open U, and the other has been a de facto holiday practically every single week. Yep. It's deja vu all over again.

* * *

On a lighter note, I was told that there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that James Yap begged off playing for Philippine team because Coach Chot Reyes has scheduled practice every Monday. So there.

Curriculum Vitae

I once shook hands with Eddie Vedder (Tibetan Freedom Concert, Alpine Valley, WI, 1999). I was once also a member of the Ten Club. I saw Star Wars Episodes I and III on opening day, and have an autographed copy of the Eraserheads' Natin99 album. I have written for the Youngblood column of the Philippine Daily Inquirer, and covered the UAAP for the college paper.

I was able to watch live sporting events at America West Arena (Suns), Soldier Field (Bears), Sun Devil Stadium (Cardinals, Arizona State Sun Devils), United Center (Bulls), Ryan Field (Northwestern Wildcats), and Wrigley Field (Cubs). I have been to the following HRC locations: New York, Chicago, Phoenix, Dallas, Niagara Falls, Washington DC, San Francisco, Orlando, Ft. Lauderdale, Miami, Key West, Tijuana, San Juan (Puerto Rico), Atlanta, and needless to say, Makati.

I made my first strike on a bowling alley in Puerto Rico; I was robbed in Tijuana; and I was once sitting on the earth 90 miles off Cuba.

I have seen Les Mis at Broadway, Cats and The Who's Tommy at Chicago, and Pagsi's Sinta at Naga. In high school, I was once a member of the chorus of Ang Pagkamulat ni Fernan Bulastog.

Twice in my life I drove a car at 100 mph (160.93 kph): once when we drove from KC to to Iowa to see the Bridges of Madison County (on a Honda Accord), and another on a stretch of I-65 in Indiana on a long drive from Chicago to Atlanta (on a Honda Civic). I have never had a single ticket for a traffic violation, moving or otherwise, in my life.

My PE subjects in college were: Fitness Walking, Chess, Orienteering, and the required PE101 lecture class. I played, in chronological order, Double Dribble (NES), Lakers vs. Celtics and the NBA Playoffs (PC), and the NBA Live franchise (PS). I played real basketball in the dorm intramurals on my senior year, and played for two seasons in the alumni league (career averages: 0.7 ppg, 1.0 rpg). Virtually, no one - and I mean no one - can beat me at basketball. On a real court, I really suck.

The best job I ever had was teaching at a university 377 kms. south of Manila. The lowest paying job I ever had was teaching at a university 377 kms. south of Manila.

In my opinion, the best bargain in life is still Chinese buffet.

Cardiology, or Valentine's Day Redux

The faculty manual, officially, strongly discouraged me from proceeding with the course of action that I was about to take. Well, obviously I didn't care.

Admittedly, it helped that you were past the age of majority, you already had a college degree, the summer term was over, the dean was a dormmate, a batchmate and a friend, and yep, I didn't care. In addition, the unconfirmed rumors that almost everybody else in the college did the exact same thing at some point before, did not make the decision any harder. I was also advised early on, that the Supreme Court has subscribed to the notion / truism that the heart has reasons of its own which reason does not know, and has held that “yielding to this gentle and universal emotion is not to be so casually equated with immorality” (Chua-Cua v. Clave GRN 49549 August 30, 1990). Yep. I had all my bases covered.

So almost six years after that rather fateful first day of summer, I remain humble and thankful for being truly blessed with someone to annoy, irritate, vex, and infuriate for every single day for the rest of her life. Knowing myself, it's either you really love me or you're a hopeless masochist. Needless to say, I am sincerely hoping it's the former.

I never really watched TV soap - unless, of course, they feature the great thespians Angel Locsin, Katrina Halili, or both - much less, TV soap from other countries. But, somehow, I have learned how to understand koreanovelas in spite of their horrible English (I think it's English) subtitles. If and when we become filthy rich someday, maybe we'll go see Jeju Island.

I apologize for being mentally absent sometimes. They say that law is a jealous mistress. Which is just a fancy way of saying that it is hell on relationships. I know that a part of you is wondering why I did not do this before, but if it makes you feel better, please believe me when I say that I wouldn't have lasted as long as I have now, if I did.

"...I give you my hand!
I give you my love, more precious than money,
I give you myself, before preaching or law;
Will you give me yourself, will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?"

W.T.F.

Turns out that "TEAM" in Team Unity stands for something: Together Everyone Achieves More.









HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

What the flying fuck?! I guess some idiot happened to pick up his daughter's slumbook from grade school and decided that those old cheesy and tacky acronyms in the "dedication" section are cool. Or, more probably, he thought that they sum up well enough the level of maturity of the Filipino voter who he plans to screw within the next few months. Who the hell even dared to come up with that crap?

What's next? J.A.P.A.N. (Just Always Pray At Night)? I.T.A.L.Y. (I Trust and Love You)? H.O.L.L.A.N.D. (Hope Our Love Lasts and Never Dies)? Or maybe P.A.R.I.S. (Please Always Remember I’m Sincere)? Note: you can find these acronyms on the Internet. No, really. - d.

O.M.G.

The Ninth Circle of Hell

The universe is conspiring.

After reading a pathetic 20 pages (target: 60 pages) of the narcolepsy-inducing textbook in Crimpro last Saturday, it is slowly becoming evident that independent self-learning probably is not best for me. Which is not to say that this is the first time we had a chance to try distance education in the college. We have done it before. With disastrous results.

The PBA is really bad for my Credit class. In a cardiac-finish Game 6 last night, Red Bull went past SMB to live another day and get one last shot at the final All-Filipino championship berth on Wednesday. (How come its not bad for my Torts class, you ask? You see, in Torts, we usually have waaaaaaaay plenty of time to prepare for class. If and when there's class, that is.) I barely finished the 30-something pages of commentary before the game, and ended up finishing a grand total of four assigned cases by 1 am. I was about to start on case no. 6 (at work, earlier today), before good news came down like manna from heaven.

So, basically, there are no classes for the whole week - except for the elective on Friday, with no new assigned cases, mind you - which gives me no reason whatsoever not to prepare for the old man on Saturday. It's really freaking me out, since most of it still doesn't make sense. Wish me luck.

Illegitimi non carborundum.

That's Entertainment

My college yearbook write-up begun thus:

He is a cross-breed between Albert Einstein and Richard Gomez. He has the looks of Einstein and the brains of Richard.

That should tell you everything you need to know about what I think about Richard Gomez' announcement that he will run for the Senate. I am not saying that he will miserably fail as a senator just because he is an actor. I am saying that he will miserably fail as a senator, period.

Come on. Who the fuck are we kidding?

Since 1986, we have had the following illustrious people as members of the upper chamber of the Congress of the Republic of the Philippines: Tito Sotto, Ramon Revilla, Ramon "Bong" Revilla, Jr., Lito Lapid, Jinggoy Estrada. (I have left out former Pres. Joseph Estrada. He was, after all, a town mayor for some 20 odd years before he won a Senate seat.) Years have come and gone, to this day I have yet to see a former actor argue against one of his colleagues on an issue of national significance on the Senate floor. One of them actually had the gall to be caught - on national TV - napping during the impeachment proceedings. To be perfectly honest, I am salivating at the thought of Lito Lapid engaging Joker Arroyo in a debate. That would be good enough for Bubble Gang.

This is the Senate folks. Not the set of Enteng Kabisote. This is the same chamber which produced the likes of Manuel Quezon, Sergio Osmeña, Jose P. Laurel, Rafael Palma, Claro M. Recto, Manuel Roxas, Elpidio Quirino, Lorenzo M. Tañada, Gil J. Puyat, Francisco Soc Rodrigo, Jose Diokno, Ferdinand E. Marcos, and Benigno S. Aquino, Jr.

Now, in their stead, we have had Tito Escalera, Nardong Putik, Ben Delubyo and Ben Tumbling. And we can't wait to vote for Tuklaw.

Finding Mr. Right

Mr. Right could be standing next to you.
- deodorant ad posted inside MRT trains

For anyone taking the MRT every day, the ad admittedly poses a curious scenario. And the folks over at the ad agency certainly knew that during rush hour, save for some people who boarded the train at Taft, everybody else would practically be packed and cramped like illegal Asian immigrants in container vans on their way to some US West Coast city. Just like in the movies.

The only problem with this scenario - which the folks over at the ad agency obviously failed to consider - is this: the trains are segregated.

The dumb, rich boys forgot that women and the elderly exclusively occupy the first three cars of the train. The rest of humanity occupy the remaining cars. Which means that, if you are seriously considering the possibility that Mr. Right is standing next to you:

a. You like them old. Really old.
b. You are into toddlers.
c. Your boyfriend is an inconsiderate and insensitive dork who had to drag you into a cramped and testosterone-charged car because he cannot stand a thirty minute train ride to Cubao without molesting you.
d. You are not into girls.

Now Showing

Leave it to local movie producers to ruin really good songs for you by making movie titles out of them, while at the same time, trying - and eventually failing - to make any coherent and sensible story, even remotely related to the title of the song (who cares about the lyrics?). I am expecting nothing less from GMA's latest film, The Promise, which stars Richard Gutierrez and Angel Locsin (who else did you expect?).

The Promise is a very good song. The Promise will be a really sappy and predictable movie. In that film, I am pretty sure someone, sometime during the span of two hours, will make a promise, almost break it, and end up fulfilling it in the end. In between, would be all the other scenes written for the sole purpose of filling up the dead space. It's all too anti-climactic. I hope I am wrong. But, pinoy commercial films are just too predictable that you can almost swear that you know what the lead characters would say next.

Speaking of GMA (the channel, not the dwarf) and Angel Locsin, I thought that after ripping off Smallville, they would, at least, try to give originality a shot. After seeing an episode of its latest offering, Asian Treasures - which could very well ruin the next generation of Filipino students' knowledge of Philippine history more than any texbook ever has - I could swear I was watching Lara Croft. Only this time, the special effects, the budget, the acting, and, uhm, the body parts, are on a much smaller scale. I once said that the mute button has made it possible for me to enjoy Angel Locsin starrers, but the Lara Croft look just doesn't cut it as well as Darna's costume, if you catch my drift.

Unjust Vexation

I don't know if threats really work, but after sending one of the most creative and acerbic letters I have ever written, via email and fax, to Citibank, and telling one of their so-called "Citiphone officers" that if I don't get my card before the end of last week, I will cancel my account, point-blank, guess what, the office receptionist told me the cards were in last Friday.

I was waiting for my second replacement card. The first one, was supposedly sent last October, two months before the expiration date of my old card. I called their attention at the beginning of the month, to the fact that I have not yet received my replacement card. Since it was already more than 60 days since they sent it to their couriers, they had to give me a new card again, this time with a new account number.

I know that patience is a virtue. But patience doesn't work with utterly incompetent courier services who, for some mysterious reason, cannot seem to find one of the most recognizable buildings along the most famous avenue in the country's premier financial district. After three more follow-up phone calls, one email and one faxed message, they finally got around to delivering the card. In my email to Citibank, I suggested that since I always get my monthly bills on time with no delay whatsoever, maybe they should consider the much-maligned folks over at Philpost to deliver the cards for them. Apparently, not only are not only faster, they are more efficient as well. (Yes. I also never thought I would ever say that.)

Well, at least, now I wouldn't have to worry about these direction-challenged courier services. At least, not until the end of three years.

Edited to add:

In fairness to Citibank, it appears that they promptly acted on my, uhm, feedback. Aside from finally getting the cards (the supplementary card was likewise late) last Friday, I also received an email apologizing for the whole snafu. I also received a phone call where I was told that they have forwarded the issue to the proper persons, and as a token of good faith, have likewise prorated my annual membership fee. Honestly, I didn't expect that they'd even bother to confirm receipt. I was pleasantly surprised.

So, next time you're pissed, speak up.

Numb

repetition same shit
every day, every year
change is forbidden
restrained by the fear
apathetically speaking
it's been a long time
the cakes remain the same

now beat on the doldrums!

yes, i have it
you gotta have it, you gotta have it
i have it
you are infected

- Eraserheads, Monovirus

High School Life

The resident-genius of our high school class (now a UP professor) noted the other day that last year was the fifteenth anniversary of our graduation (or emancipation) from high school. Usually, similar thoughts would bring back memories which would make one wax nostalgic about those halcyon years. Usually.

Instead, we remembered, among others:

- "Our beloved Alma Mater," pronounced as "mey-ter" every single fucking morning before class. Imagine my surprise when during my very first day in college, I learned that except for the graduates of our fine institution, everybody else in the known universe reads it as, well, "mater."

- "Uulitin ko. Ayoko nang paulit-ulit." Out of respect for the woman's wishes, enough said.

- "Love is a feeling that you can feel." Yes. It was a lesson we learned. In class.

- "Sol mi mi mi sol fa mi fa la do ti la la sol sol." How I still remember the notes to the first two lines of this song almost sixteen years after the fact is beyond me. Specially if you consider that, almost sixteen years ago, I refused to sing the goddamn notes (I supposedly got a 75 for that). After sixteen years, nothing has changed. That exercise remains utterly stupid and senseless, and still contributes absolutely nothing to the mass of human knowledge.

- My ghost-written column. The adviser of the school paper probably thought that he can write better than a high school student (he was wrong), giving him the temerity to write a column under my name. I was actually more humiliated for being credited with such a pathetic display of a total lack of aptitude in writing, than pissed for his having replaced my real column with trash. He tried to do it again for the second issue, but let's just say that I was more prepared the second time around.

We could have come up with a much longer list, if not for the number of acts of slander we noticed we were both already committing. So, here's to the fourth batch of "our beloved alma mey-ter." Cheers.

New Word Order

WORDS took a walk on the wild side in 2006. The words in a president's emergency proclamation chilled spines, resurrected frightening shadows and ultimately ended up being dissected and autopsied long after the edict had been retired. A national icon unleashed fighting words as quick and effective as his admired fists. Words brought some from out of the closet and others into the bushes to answer the call of nature. The words joined hands and took to the streets again. Words failed us when so many were silenced forever due to disaster and a darkness seeped out into the waters of paradise. Just as a year seemed ready to end, the words formed a train out of the halls of lawmaking, only to be reined in by the warnings of others. The year to come brings another opportunity to mark our words, to have your say. It was a year of blood, oil, fierce water and tears of both laughter and lamentations. It was a year unlike any other. And who knows what awaits us in 2007. Let us celebrate what was said, now that all is said and done.

- Ruel S. De Vera, Sunday Inquirer Magazine, 31 December 2006

Boom Tarat Tarat

Suddenly, I'm the sickest person on the planet.

With the total absence of anything resembling free time outside of the two-week Christmas break, I decided to make a trek to the friendly neighborhood doctors to finally get around the consultations I should have done oh so long ago.

In a nutshell, I now know the smell of burning skin. Yep. You get to inhale the smoke and all. But, it's really not that pleasing. That's probably why nobody is into smoking dead skin.

I also got to acquaint myself with some of the prescription drugs that I have been trying, and failing, to have "reimbursed" by my employer for years. In a rather sick twist of fate, I can safely guess that I won't have any problems having these expenses reimbursed this time.

Speaking of free time, Weng got me a copy of NBA Live 07. You have to know that this franchise is the only reason why a Sony Playstation2 is sitting in our room (and of course the Playstation, before that). I had copies of NBA Live 98, 2000, 2003, 2005, 06 and now, 07. It's simply the best game out there, ever. Things have certainly gotten better since I spent free time at Cervini beating the crap out of Roger in bball, but that's another story.

The good old CS faculty in Bagumbayan is now preparing for their second season of NBA Live (PC). Leave it to the CS faculty to come up with such ideas. We once spent days (in between classes, of course) and nights at the office shooting the brains out of terrorists and counter-terrorists. Somebody got bored and decided to rescue naked female hostages, instead. I have no idea how good they are now in NBA Live, but when I left three years ago, only Joshua has managed to give me a good game, and to actually have a chance to beat me, in any given day.

* * *

Huwag maging dayuhan sa sariling bayan.

I will be off to Bicolandia this weekend to spend New Year's Day with the in-laws. And as I'm writing this, I suddenly remembered that I was supposed to bring my PS2 controller with me to Naga. Paksyet.

Happy New Year y'all.

Breaking Out/Going Home

I discovered Prison Break last week. As of last night, I only have about 7 more episodes to go before the protagonists, I presume, finally break out of Fox River Penitentiary. It really has to end soon. Otherwise, I will not be able to get around reading my 30-page backlog in Crimpro. (Forget about advance reading - I am way behind.)

While I get the idea that some of my friends watch the series because of Wentworth Miller (yes, they're girls), the series is rather good in its own right. (Seeing Sarah Wayne Callies regularly doesn't hurt either.) It has a great storyline (I know it looks like a Shawshank rip-off, but I love the Shawshank Redemption) plus the series has several scenes shot in Chicago - which, for me, is always good. Most of the scenes shot downtown are places I'm familiar with: Lower Wacker, Navy Pier, Wrigley Field, the Chicago River - which, by the way, is still as green as ever. Sweet home, Chicago.

* * *

Speaking of home, I will be off to Gapo over the weekend to spend the holidays with my folks. So, Happy Holidays to you and your family. Cheers.

Person of the Year: ME!

I am TIME Magazine's Person of the Year for 2006.

Seriously.

According to the AFP (the press people, not the people shooting the press people), TIME Magazine named 'You' as its person of the year Saturday, with a mirror cover designed to reflect the importance of user-generated Internet content as a driving force in the modern world. The Dec. 25, 2006 issue of TIME Magazine says:

Who are these people? Seriously, who actually sits down after a long day at work and says, I'm not going to watch Lost tonight. I'm going to turn on my computer and make a movie starring my pet iguana? I'm going to mash up 50 Cent's vocals with Queen's instrumentals? I'm going to blog about my state of mind or the state of the nation or the steak-frites at the new bistro down the street? Who has that time and that energy and that passion?

The answer is, you do. And for seizing the reins of the global media, for founding and framing the new digital democracy, for working for nothing and beating the pros at their own game, TIME's Person of the Year for 2006 is you.

This certainly calls for a celebration. Now, I only need to figure out how to put this into my resume without making me appear like a clown.

The Hill

I left home at 16, in a sense, never to come back. I was young, I was brash, and I was looking forward to meeting head on, four of the most challenging and unforgettable years of my life. For the first time, I was alone, and for the first time, I was completely surrounded by brilliant people whose academic preparation sadly exposed the magnitude of the shortcomings of my own high school education.

I have visited my old college campus many times since I left it as a student many years ago. While more and more buildings have sprouted from what were once open fields, and Camp Big Falcon has risen from what once was the shortcut to Bel; while traffic has since gone from bad to really god-awful, and somehow you think that less girls are wearing shorts now; as sappy as it sounds, somehow, you still feel that you are home.

Downtime

For all intents and purposes, 2006 at Malcolm Hall ended last night for the block. There is still a class scheduled for tonight, but knowing the man's propensity for disappearing acts, chances are we won't see him again until 2007, if ever.

In any case, I plan to be at the University on Friday to (1) pick up my "copy" of a textbook from the SC, (2) maybe see the lantern parade for the first time since 15 years ago (for the love of everything good and holy, has it been that long?), and (3) diss the faculty at the Malcolm Madness.

Workload at the office is rather light. In fact, it is so light that for the past week, aside from doing school work, I have just been picking on idiots at public fora and stalking people over the Internet.

If you know where to look, you can find almost anything on the Internet. Aside from learning that your friends have hot friends who frequent Boracay (the pictures really help), sometimes, you also get to remind yourself, that indeed, only a few things are as pleasing as knowing that the stuck-up homecoming queen ended up with Cornelius.

Now, ain't life grand?

Course Work

The regular visitors of this site (yes, all two of you) must have noticed that not much is happening 'round this neck of the woods. On the contrary, I have been too busy screwing my employer that I barely found the time to screw it some more (Yep, that's where I'm composing this masterpiece right now).

We had quite a load to read last week, which was precisely why I was virtually on leave from work. But, of course, if you would only diligently check the records, you will find out that my ass was at the office for 40 hours.

Of course, not a single one of the good professors who assigned the comatose-inducing readings was able to cover all their assignments (one of them did not even see us the whole week), but trust me, you really do not want to risk being caught unprepared - unless, of course, you feel lucky. That, and you really want to make some professor's day.

All this couldn't possibly make me long for the looming Christmas break any more than I do right now. I really need a freaking break. At least, last year we had interesting stuff to read, like drawbridges being bombarded, politicians screaming "vulva of your mother!", half -naked dancers interpreting the life of a woman whose guerilla husband was killed during the war, and naked would-be rape victims running in front of the town hall. Now, all we have are debtors screwing creditors, and creditors screwing debtors. Well, that, and irresponsible drivers who hit people on bicycles, fences, stores, and other people trying to fix a parked car on the side of the road.

Not a Gifted Child

Unang Hirit broadcast a footage of a police operation to stop a suspected car thief from getting away early this morning. The clip showed a red Honda Civic that occupied almost half of the street along Makati Avenue before dawn.

Makati police responded to a call that informed them of an attempt to steal the vehicle, but what the operatives saw surprised them because there was no one there.

According to the Inquirer:

On further investigation, police discovered that the handbrake of the car was down, which could have caused the vehicle to slide from where it had been parked, the report said.

The situation became clearer when the car owner, who admitted to having made the call, claimed not to have noticed that the handbrake was down, the report said.

The owner had called police when she saw her vehicle, which had been parked for almost an hour, move out from its slot, the report said.

At the back of my mind, I can't help but think that Bitoy is hiding somewhere just about ready to scream, "Yari ka!"

Tapos Na ang Boksing

For three beautiful and magnificent rounds yesterday, I could almost forgive Manny Pacquiao for even trying to sing.


It was short and it was sweet. The bout was over even before the Pacman's mother, Dionisia, could finish saying her rosary at her home in General Santos City.

Para sa 'yo . . . ang laban na 'tooooo . . .

image courtesy of INQ7.net.

Deep Thoughts II

Some mysteries in life will forever escape elucidation. Atlantis. The Bermuda Triangle. Alchemy and the Philosopher's Stone. Nostradamus. The works of Da Vinci. The mathematics of fat, bald lawyers.

I was done with the registration at Malcolm quite early yesterday, and I was able to sign up for the only two-unit elective course that fits into our schedule. (Yes, they still call it an elective.) I am guessing that the 34 folks who preenlisted changed their minds after the class was moved from Wednesday to Friday. They used a renovated room for the registration, which is definitely way better than the really, very cramped area in the OCS.

There are still some people who managed to finish early despite arriving about two hours later than everybody else. They have many friends. Shameless and insensitive maybe, but friends nonetheless. Some things never change. Where is Luli Arroyo when you need her?

The College Secretary chided me for referring to a professor by his first name. For a second, I was really tempted to tell her the big secret (that we all refer to the professor by his first name). But, only for a second.

Speaking of the Arroyos, Dato, who will run for Representative in the first district of Camarines Sur, has updated his Friendster profile. The Ateneo de Naga alum's hometown now reads as "La Vista, Quezon Citeh! Libmanan, Cam Sur!" A few points to ponder. Naga City is in the second district. GMA's lapdog in the House, Luis Villafuerte, is the incumbent Representative of the second district. He's on his first term. The erstwhile congressman of the first district, Rolando Andaya, Jr., was appointed by GMA to a Cabinet post.

I also lived in Naga City. I taught in one of its universities for three years. By choice. I am married to a full-blooded Nagueña. But, I don't have the temerity to think that I have earned the right to call myself a Bicolano. Different strokes, for different folks.

This Day in History

General Interest

1991 : Magic Johnson announces he is HIV positive
1885 : Canada's transcontinental railway completed
1940 : Tacoma Bridge collapses
1944 : FDR reelected a record third time
1989 : Two African American firsts in politics

American Revolution

1776 : Post office stays in the Franklin family

Automotive

1957 : East Germany launches the Trabant Sputnik
1965 : Green Monster sets new speed record

Civil War

1861 : Battle of Belmont, Missouri

Cold War

1957 : Gaither Report calls for more U.S. missiles and fallout shelters

Crime

1983 : A family is brutally murdered

Disaster

1940 : Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapses

Entertainment

1943 : Joni Mitchell born
1951 : Ava Gardner and Frank Sinatra marry

Literary

1913 : French novelist Albert Camus is born

Old West

1916 : Jeannette Rankin becomes first U.S. congresswoman

Presidential

1944 : FDR wins unprecedented fourth term

Vietnam War

1964 : U.S. intelligence asserts numbers of North Vietnamese in South Vietnam growing
1966 : McNamara shouted down at Harvard speech
1972 : Nixon re-elected president

Wall Street

1918 : Rumors close NYSE
1984 : Wall Street's election woes
1997 : Greenspan speaks in Germany

World War I

1914 : First issue of The New Republic published

World War II

1944 : Soviet master spy is hanged by the Japanese

From The History Channel.

Die, Ken, Die

Being an Eheads junkie, I have always thought that it would almost be impossible to find anybody who doesn't know the Eraserheads, or any their songs, in this country. I would even dare say that most Filipinos know most of the Eheads' songs by heart, and that some songs, like Ligaya, Pare Ko, With a Smile, Kailan, Alapaap, and Magasin, are practically anthems that all Filipinos could sing without breaking a sweat.

That is, until Ken Dingle, a contestant in ABC-5's Philippine Idol, went up on stage a week ago, and promptly mutilated the Eheads' very first hit single before a live and television audience. I was not sure as to what surprised me more - that people in the audience actually cheered and applauded after the most horrible singing performance I have ever witnessed (hey, at least Alyssa Alano knew her lyrics) or that Ely Buendia did not there and then shoot the moron.



I would not be writing this today, if he was booted out last night. But, apparently, Filipinos vote for their Idols the same way they vote for their Congressmen. And no, that is not good. Not good at all. If, for some sick reason, this idiot finds himself in the final two, and somehow wins it all, I suggest that the producers of Philippine Idol slit their throats, for unleashing this horror upon an unsuspecting people.

Unassigned Readings

I have made it a point to read something every time the semestral break rolls in, if only to resensitize myself after being desensitized by five months of "mind-numbing torture and moral erosion." [1] So in preparation for this cleansing ritual, I got myself a copy of a book my sister-in-law recommended to me, one week before the last exam. I wasn't there at Rockwell for the book. It just so happened that upon browsing, I discovered that the paperback copy was out, and I just had to get it.

So, earlier this morning, save for the Author's Notes, which I plan to finish later tonight, I finished the only Anne Rice book that I have ever read. Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt is a "curious portrait of a seven-year-old Jesus, who departs Egypt with his family to return home to Nazareth." [2] Rice narrates, in childlike language, "Jesus' gradual discovery of the miraculous birth his parents have never discussed with him." [3] It is an interesting and refreshing read, just in time for the holidays, I guess. And since it is narrated from the Christ child's perspective, it was an easy read, as well. A very good antidote to the convoluted language of codal provisions and judicial decisions. It would not displace The Catcher in the Rye, but it's up there.

I finished the book one week ahead of time. Which is all good, since now, I have one full week to enjoy Sports Illustrated's NBA Preview Issue, which I had reserved at Bufini last week. This has been a most satisfying break. If only I can read volumes of the SCRA with as much vigor. But, I digress.

Footnotes:

[1]See Ask Scaebolah! #4

[2]See Amazon.com

[3]Id.

"Singaw ng Bayan"

Olats na naman. Sorry Joe, it's a no-go. Belat.

THE SUPREME Court has dismissed the petition filed by pro-Charter change advocates for a people’s initiative to amend the 1987 Constitution.

Voting 8-7, the high tribunal, in its ruling penned by Associate Justice Antonio Carpio, upheld its decision on a similar case in 1997 involving the Commission on Elections vs Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago.

Read all about the really, very good news here.

Good News. I am Normal.

There is this rather conservative assumption that people create Friendster accounts to make new friends, to keep in touch with old ones, to achieve world peace, and all that crap. But, come on. Really now. Ask yourself, why in heaven's name did I have to create this useless account? Here's a wild guess. Pictures. Of. Hot. Chicks. Yep. We are all in it because we are all sick, stalkers looking for hot chicks. Admit it.

“Basically, Jonathan wanted to meet girls,” said Mark J. Pincus, a Silicon Valley entrepreneur who provided Mr. Abrams with some of the seed money to finance his project at the end of 2002. “He told me himself, he started Friendster as a way to surf through his friends’ address books for good-looking girls.”

There is a concept in law called legislative intent. Well, we now have it straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak. If you don't believe me, check out the NY Times. You need an account to login.

Props up to ~C4Chaos for the link.

The Idiot Box, Really

GMA-7's early evening news program had Jolina's new hairstyle as one of its headlines early this week. You read it right: Jolina's new hairstyle. If only to emphasize how fucking serious the issue was, the anchors actually mentioned it not a few times during course of the news program. Well, actually, they mentioned it so many times, you can't help but think that Jolina has probably gone nuts and decided to sport a mohawk dyed orange. In what is probably one of my life's greatest disappointments, it turned out that she just had a haircut. You know, that thing that most every living soul in this planet occassionally does for no significant socio-political or philosophical reason, whatsoever.

In an attempt to drum up interest in its newest import from Korea, the network has, for several weeks, also repeatedly announced on air that Choi something something won the acting awards from the major award-giving bodies in Korea, for her role in their latest soap. Really. But, who the fuck cares?

Frankly, I wouldn't know Choi something something from the other Korean actress sitting next to her. I couldn't care less if she won the Nobel Prize for acting. I have no idea who the fuck she is. And come on, who cares about the Korean acting awards? Frankly, I'm more interested about that crazy bastard up north, who thinks that he can win a war against Dubya and his minions. You have not seen acting until you see those crazy folks tell the world how they would make America pay! Well, either that, or they have been watching too many Koreanovelas, and too few CNN updates.

On Retirement Plans

In The Cop and the Anthem, O. Henry relates the story of a New York City hobo named Soapy, who sets out to get arrested so he can spend the cold winter as a guest of the city jail. Despite efforts at petty theft, vandalism, disorderly conduct, and "mashing", Soapy fails to draw the attention of the police. Disconsolate, he pauses in front of a church, where an organ anthem inspires him to clean up his life - whereupon he is promptly arrested for loitering.

In a rather sad case of life imitating art, CNN.com reports how a 62-year-old man who couldn't find steady work came up with a plan to make it through the next few years until he could collect Social Security: He robbed a bank, then handed the money to a guard and waited for police.

He walked to a bank and handed a teller a note demanding cash in an envelope. The teller gave him four $20 bills and pushed a silent alarm . . . [He] handed the money to a security guard standing in the lobby and told him it was his day to be a hero.

Now, this is something that I am pretty sure will not happen in the Philippines. First, the 62-year-old Pinoy would be living with his kids; and besides, social security is practically non-existent in this country. Second, by the time the PNP arrives, he would have already gone hungry and tired of all the waiting and would have already taken all the bank employees out to lunch. Third, at the rate they are going, the man would already be dead by the time the courts finish hearing the case. Fourth, all the country's politicians will be all over the news about the incident; in the end, the President will pardon him, party-list representatives will rant about how the government is neglecting the poor, and the mayor of Pasig will order an investigation after destroying all the material evidence.

Affirmative Action

Had a nice chat with a good friend a while ago . . .

Vladimir: wala na yung local office dito

Vladimir: tsaka, di na sya ganun ka-selective.

Estragon: eh walang maka-afford sa inyo na local company eh

Vladimir: mas "diverse" na sya

Estragon: hahahaha

Estragon: elitista kang atenista hahahaha

Estragon: bwahahahaha. DIVERSE!!! bwhahahaha

Iskul Bukol

Me: . . . sufficient magnitude . . .
Him: No.
Some other guy: . . . sufficient magnitude . . .
Him: Yeeeesss!

Me: Good faith . . .
Him: No, not good faith . . .
(Browses his bible)
Him: . . . sincerity and good faith . . .

Me: . . . truth and verity of his religious beliefs . . .
Him: . . . No, not religious beliefs . . .
(Browses his bible, yet again)
Him: . . . truth of his religion!

Here's the clincher:

Him: . . . while we moot and analyze, all they do is memorize!

Putangina.

Requiem for a Season

Macky Escalona played the game of his life. JC Intal took the last shot in regulation and in overtime - as it should be. It is still not enough.

In the end, UST's Jojo Duncil simply refused to blink, and his Growling Tigers annexed the UAAP men's basketball crown by going past Ateneo in overtime of Game 3 of what turned out to be one of the best championship series in years.

The Tigers - mostly unnoticed during the preseason - earned the no. 3 spot by beating the Falcons in a one-game playoff, and then went on to beat no. 2 UE twice in a row to face the top-seeded Blue Eagles in the Finals. If not for Doug Kramer's one-second miracle in Game 1, the series would have actually been over last Saturday.

But, both teams saved the best for last, going wire-to-wire from the tip-off up to the final buzzer. It is unfortunate that one team had to lose in this series, and it is more unfortunate still for the Blue and White faithful that that team had to be the Eagles.

OBF.

P.S.

Jojo Duncil was reportedly wary of Bobby "Angelica-Jones-dating" Yan after Game 2. Baka raw kasi batukan siya tapos biglang tumakbo.

The Invisible Hand

Getting tickets for Game 2 of the UAAP Finals just got really difficult. Ateneans are expecting, or at least hoping, to watch the 69th season end on a triumphant note, and everybody from Loyola Heights apparently wants a piece of it.

SRO tickets, as usual, will be sold on gameday itself. Which simply means that you have to line up early in the morning, and wait for the booths to start selling them. Plan B is to get GenAd tickets (the nosebleed section), and jump down to Upper B. Plan C is, of course, stay home and watch it on TV.

The scalpers' are also having a field day. Upper A tickets (face value: 120) reportedly went up from 350 to 700 yesterday alone. Today's going rate is 800. Patron seats are reportedly being sold for at least 2000.

Advisory: The games (the Eaglets are likewise playing for the championship) will be telecast live at the Blue Eagle Gym, High School Cafeteria, College Cafeteria, and Ateneo Professional Schools Atrium, Rockwell.

Bedlam

One down. One to go.

I don't think it is necessary to discuss the last play of the ballgame yesterday, which most viewers would have already seen repeatedly on TV and on YouTube. Well, except for those of us at the venue, who were too busy deliriously celebrating to pay any attention to the widescreen.

UST's Allan Evangelista learned a painful lesson yesterday when he celebrated - probably a little prematurely - after making the go-ahead shot with one second left in the game clock. In fact, he and the Tigers were too happy that they left Doug Kramer wide open on the next, and last, play of the game.


The zebras, being the morons that they are, almost won the game for UST. For starters, the three blind mice should be made to learn and relearn the definition of a backcourt violation. They are taking the joy out of the game. If they want to play, they could probably play for some schools who have "rookies" who, chances are, went to grade school with them.

Photo courtesy of www.fabilioh.com.

Almost There

Barry announced last night that we won't be meeting on Monday. Which means one thing, and one thing only. I can, and I will, substantially satisfy my craving for hoops this Sunday, without any tinge of guilt or letdown whatsoever. Well, at least if we win. Otherwise, there would be plenty of letdown to go around.

He also won't be calling any more people for recits until the end of the sem. Which means I am pretty much set until the finals week rolls in. Which, is not really saying much since the final exam will account for sixty effing percent of the final grade.

I am also in knots trying to write a paper about, of all things, blogging. It would have been pretty simple and straightforward, if it isn't for a course called Legal Theory. I am planning to insert a sentence or two about Liberalism just to make a connection - any connection - no matter how flimsy. I have an eerie feeling it will be like Consti 1 and the E-VAT all over again. Crap.

The schedule for the second semester is also out at CRS. Partially, at least. Once again, there are two classes on Saturdays. Which means that Friday nights and Saturday afternoons will be cramming sessions again. It's not really a good study method. Not unless, of course, you have no choice.

SRO

In what probably is the most horribly-officiated basketball game I have ever seen, Ateneo barely survived Ken Bono, Patrick Cabahug, three dumbass zebras, and three token goons from the Manila City Jail. Despite all the Ts, the dubious foul calls, Adamson's not-so-subtle attempts to physically maim our players, and those two crucial - almost backbreaking - TOs in the last 30 seconds, the Blue Eagles won. To Adamson: welcome to your first Final Four. We hope you enjoyed the experience while it lasted.


(Seats are just suggestions.)

In the second game, the no. 3 seed, UST beat the no. 2 seed, UE. Good job, UST. Now, since you two would be playing another game on Thursday, (1) I don't have to call in sick, and (2) I don't have to miss Consti 2.

OBF.

On to the Fray

image courtesy of www.admu.edu.ph.

Curiouser and Curiouser

The following excerpt is from p. 46 of the UAAP Fact Finding Report on the DLSU PEP Test Scandal. See, and judge, for yourself.

"He (Mark Benitez) stated that Bro. Casingal (Bro. Roberto ‘Bro. Bobby’ Casingal, FSC, DLSU Director for Sports Development) went to their house and he was made to write:

"Atty. Villa: When did he go to your house?

"Mr. Mark Benitez: Nakalimutan ko na rin po eh. Parang pinasulat niya ko na kung ano yung mga ilalabas ko about kung...hindi na magbabanggit about kay Jun Tiongco at kay Derek Pumaren kasi daw po matataas daw yun...mahirap kalabanin." (I’ve forgotten. Seems he made me write about what I would disclose...no more mention about Jun Tiongco or Derek Pumaren because they’re high up there...hard to fight.)

"Atty. Villa: Who said that?

"Mr. Mark Benitez: Si Bro. Bobby po. (Mark Benitez, TSN, p. 24)"

Right now, it appears that more people, than the public was made to believe, were involved. It is also a rather sick coincidence that Jun Tiongco, one of the main characters in this sordid tale, is an assistant coach for UE, under Dindo Pumaren, and is also an assistant coach for Talk and Text, under Derek Pumaren. If you've been hiding under a rock for the past 10 years, just so you know, Franz Pumaren is DLSU's head coach. But, of course, I'm sure that the good QC councilor has absolutely nothing to do with this.

Balls

The Eagles showed no letdown for playing in a no-bearing game, and eliminated the Tamaraws from Final Four contention yesterday, 70-68.

FEU was leading 68-65, when Chris Tiu drilled a three-point basket to tie the game with some 40 seconds left. After FEU's Jeff Chan missed a three, Doug Kramer grabbed the rebound, and passed off to Escalona who calmly brought the ball downcourt. With less than 10 seconds left, JC Intal received the ball from Escalona at quarter court, drove through the middle and made a lay-up with 1.2 seconds left.


FEU had no more timeouts. Game, and season, over.

The Falcons and the Tigers, tied at 6-6, would play a game on Thursday for the no. 3 seed and the right to play the no. 2 seed, UE. The loser will go on to play the Eagles, who were seeded no. 1 as early as last week. (Let's all cheer for the Falcons on Thursday, just so we can have give a little payback to UST.)

A few game notes:

Game analyst Ronnie Magsanoc irritated me no end, for repeatedly insisting that the no. 1 seed would face the no. 3 seed. It's one versus four. ONE versus FOUR. Man, that would be one dumb bracket.

Another hilarious halftime performance by the Blue Babble Band. I say we let them perform during the cheerdance competition. You know, just to show how seriously we take that thing.

Hallelujah!

Doctors and medical students: fret no more.

FOR frustrated doctors and medical students eyeing a nursing career overseas, President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo offered an alternative she says should keep them home.

“I’d like to make special mention to frustrated doctors, don’t leave medical school because medical transcription (is here),” Arroyo said at a roundtable discussion in Malacañang on Thursday.

My God. Just where would this country be without her?

Shameless Plugging

Carlo J. Caparas, the "massacre" film king, who brought upon us film classics such as, The Maggie dela Riva Story and Vizconde Massacre, is eyeing to produce a movie on - of all people - Ninoy, "based on the convicts’ version of the truth." Legal genius Caparas, who may or may not be suffering from a delusion that he's Oliver Stone, will supposedly advance his own "one-bullet, one-triggerman theory."

“Only one bullet killed Ninoy. How come 16 people were convicted?”

Without passing on the man's aptitude in critical thinking, or the state of his common sense, let me just say that his appreciation of this country's penal laws and his sense of history must be leaning a wee-bit towards the deficient side. Because, in the real world, we call it a conspiracy. It's in the dictionary. Look it up.

The Three Point Dunk

Noli Eala seemed to have suddenly developed a weird case of brain fart, and is pushing for a three point dunk.

Now, that, to me, really sounds like a novel, if not revolutionary, idea. The only problem is that it's laughable, idiotic, and downright stupid. Who, in his right mind, would suddenly develop a rule for professional basketball that nobody else in the known universe has ever thought of adopting, and is absolutely unsuited for the Filipino physiology? Come to think of it, should the board members suddenly lose all their mental faculties, and decide to approve this really stupid proposal, imports will no longer need their local teammates. Except, of course, to inbound the ball.

While the NBA is changing its rules to push for more ball movement, and results of FIBA-sanctioned events show that we should emphasize outside shooting and teamwork, Noli Eala is, apparently, suffering from a delusion that all that Filipinos want to see are showboating and individual plays.

Here's an idea, Mr. Eala, why don't you just invent a new game, start a new league, and play with the rules as you see fit. Leave basketball alone.

Dumb and Dumber

Raul Gonzales, the Justice Secretary who always has something derogatory to say against somebody, has decided over the weekend to pick on the UP system:

That school breeds the destabilizers that haunt the country year after year. They are acting as if they are the only ones who know how to run the country.

x x x

I doff my hat to them because they initiate the running of naked people... That’s also one kind of culture that they develop there... Maybe we are going in that direction... there are now women running naked. I will not be surprised if they will go to school with only their books, nothing more.

In response to his statements, the UP Alphi Phi Omega fraternity staged a “special edition” of their yearly Oblation Run at the Diliman campus yesterday, if only "to show the UP community that the fraternity was not going to take the justice secretary’s remarks sitting down." There is no feedback yet from Gonzales if the streakers, one way or the other, destabilized the country.

But what do we know? The state, after all, according to Gonzales, "is the one paying for [our] schooling," unlike Gonzales, who incidentally is from the University of Sto. Tomas(!) - the reason, supposedly, why he is "well-behaved.” He said, "I think some degree of gratitude should be there also."

Well, I am a taxpayer. So, I am paying him his salary as Justice Secretary. I believe the good secretary should likewise repay me, by say, slitting his throat.

Eight and Done

The UST Tigers avenged their first round demolition at the hands of Ateneo by beating the Eagles in OT yesterday, 88-80. The Eagles were leading by three points, off a Doug Kramer jumper with 10 seconds left in regulation, 69-66, before shit happened.

UST's rookie center Jervy Cruz scored all but four of his 14 points in overtime to put an end to the Eagles' eight-game winning streak. The team tied the win streak mark set by the 2002 UAAP champion team, and the 2004 Eagles.

At this point, the difference between the #1 and #2 seeds is just too insignificant. I don't think it will make much of a difference if Ateneo ends up playing either Adamson, FEU, or even UST in the Final Four.

Having said that, I hope that the team would just relax and play. I am not saying that they drop all their games, But there is a bigger goal ahead of them, and that is what they should be preparing for.

OBF.

Help Needed

Joshua has started a mini-campaign (I really don't know what to call it) to bring attention to Jones' condition. Jones, one of the finest people I have ever had the opportunity of knowing, currently suffers from some debilitating disease, which, as far as I know, still cannot be identified by his doctors. The news has quickly spread to Jones' former students, fellow alumni, and classmates.

I suggested to Joshua that he seek the help of the University and its Alumni Affairs Office - which I thought should not be waiting for such appeal in the first place - given the fact that Jones is both an alumnus (HS and College) and a member of its faculty. The resources at the University's disposal would be a substantial shot in the arm not only in information dissemination and fund-raising, but perhaps more importantly, in arm-wringing. While there is nothing, as of yet, in the University's website regarding Jones' plight, I would give it the benefit of the doubt. It's hard to be pissed off when you're eight hours away by land.

If you're from Naga, or if you know someone from Naga, kindly pass the note. And say a prayer for Jones, while you're at it.

Final Four Bound

With FEU's loss to UE in the second game last Sunday, the Eagles also clinched the first twice-to-beat incentive in the Final Four.

Still looking good.

Photo courtesy of www.fabilioh.com.

The Best President We Never Had

"I return from exile and to an uncertain future with only determination and faith to offer – faith in our people and faith in God."

- Benigno S. Aquino, Jr. (1932-1983), from a prepared speech Ninoy was supposed to deliver upon his arrival in Manila

Make-Believe Part III

My wife tells me that the latest incarnation of the Marvin-Jolina tandem on TV is about to end. The story, revolves around four people who for a really, very brief and temporally inconsequential period of their lives, find themselves in the Big Apple. Hence, the title of the show.

The creators of the show have assumed that a majority of its viewers are idiots. That, boys and girls, is the only logical explanation why they allowed several storylines that do not make the slightest sense, and would probably be rejected in a fantaserye.

First, the US Embassy will admit that Dubya is a moron, before it would grant a US visa to an unemployed minor, from the some rural area in the Philippines, who just happened to win barely enough money for a one-way ticket from some noontime show. No, they won't really care that you won it on Laban O Bawi. How he planned to actually live in the US was, conveniently, never explained. If this crap happened in real life, Toni Gonzaga wouldn't have a movie.

Second, contrary to the images shown on the boob tube, Filipinos in New York, or anywhere in the US for that matter, legal or otherwise, actually do open their windows. For some stupid reason, whenever the cast is supposedly indoors in NY, there are no windows. If for some architectural miracle, windows do find their way into the rooms, they are always covered shut. The only explanation I can surmise from this observation is that, should the viewer see through the windows of their sets, the viewer will most probably wonder why NY looks a lot like QC.

Third, they mistook the INS for the PNP. The INS is not that inept. Just ask Atong Ang or Joc-joc Bolante. Jolina may run faster, but the assumption that dear Jolina has a more calculating criminal mind than either Atong or Joc-joc is just too incredible, and is undeserving of any iota of belief.

WTF?!

WTF #1:

I believe that every person is entitled to his own opinion, but for an Atenean to say that he'd "rather see ADMU lose to DLSU rather than see AMDU (sic) win the championship without facing DLSU" is not just plain wrong. It's utterly stupid. For it to actually come out in the Ateneo college paper itself, well, that's really something else.

With all due respect to the writer (I also once wrote for the Guidon), I'd rather lose to NU year in and year out, than lose a single game vs. la salle. I am rather certain the other side feels the same way.

WTF #2:

Great job by the Eagles last Sunday in totally and absolutely dismantling the UST Growling Tigers, that by the end of the second quarter, the Growling Tigers reportedly considered changing their nickname to the Whimpering Pussies.

The game was tied 30-all early in the second quarter, when Chris Tiu unloaded 8 straight points to put the Eagles up 38-30. At the end of the second quarter, the score was 63-36. No, that is not a typo.

The Eagles have swept the first round for the second time in three years. Two years ago, after sweeping the first round, they promptly lost the next game, and went on to end the second round with a 4-3 card. Those past events puts the current season into perspective and makes you enjoy the season in a state of guarded optimism.

Five-and-Oh

Today is the feast day of St. Ignatius of Loyola.

On this day two years ago, during what came to be known as "The Larry Game," the Blue Eagles came back from a 20-point deficit, to beat the Adamson Falcons by three points on an LA Tenorio buzzer beater. It was probably the most improbable comeback I have seen live on the basketball floor, and to this day, remains one of the most memorable Ateneo games I have ever seen.

(The most memorable game would be the one played way back in 1994, when a bunch of unknowns from Loyola beat one of the best basketball teams to ever come out of La Salle.)

So I figured yesterday would be a good day for Ateneo basketball. Too good, in fact, that I set II Tolentino aside until after the final buzzer. Until yesterday, the Eagles were winning by an average margin of four points and change. Their last three games were not decided until the last two minutes of the game. (It's not really the sport to follow if you have a heart condition.) Yesterday, as if on cue, the Eagles beat the title-favorite UE Warriors. As early as the second quarter. They couldn't have possibly chosen a better day to finally win one convincingly.


It was a great all-around game for the Hail Mary squad. Escalona led the scoring with 14 points, including a back-breaking three after the Warriors almost closed the gap down to six. JC Intal had 10 assists (on top of 12 points and 8 rebounds). Nine eagles scored five points or more. (The Warriors' fifth-leading scorer, Martinez, sizzled with 3 points.)

OBF.

(This, by the way, is my 100th post. Yahoo.)

Photo courtesy of www.fabilioh.com.

Sincerity

In yesterday's State of the Nation Address, GMA said:

Sa mga lalawigang sakop ng 7th Division, nakikibaka sa kalaban si Jovito Palparan. Hindi siya aatras hanggang makawala sa gabi ng kilabot ang mga pamayanan at maka-ahon sa bukang-liwayway ng hustisya at kalayaan.

In the same breath, she said:

In the harshest possible terms I condemn political killings. We together stopped judicial executions with the abolition of the death penalty. We urge witnesses to come forward. Together we will stop extrajudicial executions.

You read it right, she condemned political killings immediately after she praised Palparan. As the AM radio commentator said this morning, "Yan ang presidente: sincere!"

Study Now, Pray Later

This is what happens when you do not read the commentaries for the entire first half of the term; when all you did, every week, was cram all the 15 or so assigned cases into your head a good 15 hours before class. (That would be a neat ratio of one case per hour, if you discount the fact that you still have to sleep, eat something and take a shower before going to class) You will try to absorb as much crap as De Leon could toss at you, in the shortest amount of time humanly possible.

So, many thanks to Glenda, or to Gloria, for suspending Property today, and to whatever organization which is the causa of us having no Consti 2 on Tuesday. I will have some more spare time within which I can allow De Leon to eliminate as much of my functioning brain cells as possible.

But, I still have two weeks, right? Yes. It would have been perfect if all classes are suspended until August 4, and if there are no make-up classes to screw your schedule up until then. But, of course classes, as life, go on and according to Scaebolah, "as far as your professors are concerned, you are the lowest possible life form." So there. My boss, on the other hand, is already giving me the look after I told him that I really, really need to be absent from work on August 3 and 4. Well, I can get sick, you know?

* * *

The R.A. Gapuz Review Center placed an ad in the Inquirer last Saturday, proudly proclaiming that they placed the most number of reviewees in the top ten of the nursing board examinations.

I am not sure if that is a sick joke, considering that it has already admitted that it gave its students a document containing exam topics the day before the June 11 and 12 nursing board examinations, which turned out to be, allegedly, handwritten samples of the tests.

According to the Inquirer, Ray Gapuz, founder of the review center, said he did not know if the 18-page manuscript was a “leak” and if it actually contained the exact questions in the licensing exams. But when asked if the topics in the document had appeared in the June 11 and 12 exam, Gapuz replied: “Allegedly, sabi nila (That’s what they say).”

I don't know about you. But, if my review center manages to get a copy of the actual exam questions before the actual exams, placing the most number of reviewees in the top ten is probably the least that it can do. Like, hallouer!!!

Detour

A blogger, who turned out to be the wife of one of UP's assistant coaches, remarked that:

My two beloved alma maters slugged it out at the Ninoy Aquino stadium last Sunday. Either way I'd win. But when it comes to the hardcourt, I'm a Maroon. (I'm an Eagle only in the moot court.)

Well, I personally know some people who can emphatize with her completely. Only sometimes, "when it comes to the hardcourt," it's the other way around.

(One Big Fight!)

The State of the Nation

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.

When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.

When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.

When they came for the Jews,
I did not speak out;
I was not a Jew.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.

- Martin Niemöller, First they came...

The following is from the online petition for the immediate release of Sherlyn Cadapan and Karen Empeño. It is posted on the Philippine Collegian 2006-2007 website.

On June 26, 2006, bonnet-wearing armed men, suspected elements of the 7th Infantry Division, forcibly entered a house of local folk in Hagonoy, Bulacan and forcibly abducted Sherlyn, Karen and Manuel Merino, a local farmer. The armed men introduced themselves as ‘vigilantes.’

Sherlyn, who is two months pregnant, was hit in the stomach as she was shouting for help. Witnesses related that the armed men removed Karen’s shirt and used it to cover her face. They dragged the two women outside and rode off in a passenger jeepney vehicle.

Until now, Sherlyn and Karen have not yet surfaced. While the military denied their involvement in their forced disappearance, Major Gen. Jovito Palparan, head of the 7th ID, immediately accused them as members of the New People’s Army. In a statement released after the abduction, Gen. Palparan insultingly said that ‘they are better off gone.’

Sherlyn and Karen are student volunteers who went to Bulacan to conduct research on the peasant situation in the province. They are also known student leaders from the University of the Philippines (UP).

Sherlyn is an award-winning triathlete and a former College of Human Kinetics representative to the UP Diliman Student Council. Karen, on the other hand, is a Sociology major who was conducting research in the province for the completion of her thesis. They are also active members of Anakbayan and League of Filipino Students, respectively. These youth organizations have been maliciously tagged as ‘communist front organizations’ by the Armed Forces of the Philippines.

Eric Salamat, Your Table is Ready

Photo courtesy of www.fabilioh.com.

Opening Day

For the uninitiated, please be advised that during college basketball games, people do usually stand up from time to time. Some of the spectators can be observed clapping, cheering, screaming, and sometimes even cursing the zebras. Do not panic. Note that this is far from being weird. It is normal. Most specially, when the spectators are rooting for one of the teams to win (which is usually the case). You are there, along with all the people at your side of the arena, precisely, to express your shared conviction that, you are God's chosen people and the folks on the other side are the scum of the earth. (Incidentally, when we play against morons, we rarely, if ever, sit down. The seats are there for time outs. Needless to say, we will get to sit a lot this year.)

Last weekend was opening day. We were playing the traditional doormats, so there wasn't really much to stand up for. I stood up along with a number of people in my row early in the fourth, when somebody tapped me from behind, and asked that I, ehem, sit down. Look, I have no problem giving in to polite requests of nice folks who do not share the same passion and excitement that I have for a silly game (who by the way could have stayed home, watched the game on TV and saved 120 pesos in the process). But, it's an entirely different matter for folks who talk to you as if you just decapitated their dog.

So I looked at her, and gave her this terrified look - like I was looking at the face of Evil itself. I think I even managed to get a chuckle or two from her young alalay. Later in the game, when the Hail Mary team sank a flurry of baskets to seal the win, and everybody was on their feet, I turned around, faced the nice lady, and gave her the best Michael Jordan (circa 1992 vs. Portland, when all His Airness' threes were going in) impression that I could muster.

Hey, what can I do?

Nice Try

Shortly after it was found out that a PEP test review center has actually been fielding high school dropouts and high school equivalency test flunkers in basketball games for two years running, and after the "negligent" school was subsequently suspended from league play for one year, mudslinging suddenly moved up a notch, and some people just started to come up with rumors, blind items and libelous accusations, clearly indicating but one thing: desperate idiots are scary.

A few weeks ago, the same rumors were published in two national broadsheets. Everybody, of course, had an idea as to who was behind the demolition job, but unlike idiots, we prefer to have something to back our statements up. Being the ingenious Ateneans that we are, somebody (it was only a matter of time) was able to obtain a copy of the facsimile that was sent to the press. And being the idiots that they are, they, of course, conveniently used their own fax machine, which ID function was likewise conveniently enabled.

The header said "02.523.4295 DLS PSI GSB." Feel free to "Google it!"

* * *

The 69th season of the UAAP, incidentally, will open tomorrow at the Araneta Coliseum. Ateneo will play the NU Bulldogs at 4PM. The Taft PEP Test Review Center will play with itself.

Big Ben and the Bulls

As a long-time Chicago sports fan, let me just share with you reports from ESPN, that Big Ben is driving east to Chicago, to play for da Bulls.

The biggest free-agent prize of the NBA offseason appears to be off the market. Ben Wallace has informed the Pistons he will sign with the Bulls, Insider Chad Ford reports. The deal is believed to be $52M for four years.

The Bulls now have an all-star center (which says a lot about centers in the East), to go along with the young backcourt tandem of Hinrich and Gordon, and wingmen Deng and Nocioni. Add 2006 draft 4th pick overall Tyrus Thomas and the perenially-underachieving Chandler, and we suddenly have a promising 2006-07 season.

C'mon. Crazier things have happened.

News and Current Affairs

During the course of the 2006 NBA playoffs, I noticed that ABC-5 was giving updates on the said playoffs, a full day late. In other words, they were giving NBA game results, that have already been delivered by the other channels, published on the Internet, broadcast on a delayed basis by local networks, and dissected by employees by the water cooler, a full day before. And I thought, it couldn't possibly be worse than that. Right.

During one of the timeouts in the SMB-RB semifinal game last night, I was able to catch a news update from ABC-5, this time about the 2006 World Cup. Firstly, the newsreader, adeptly pronounced the name of the sport's governing body as fai-fa. Miss, it's fee-fa. Repeat after me: fee-fa. Secondly, Rio de Janeiro is not the capital of Brazil. Brasilia is.

I don't know if ABC-5 has a research department, but I'm really more disappointed with the second blunder above, than with the first (it's forgivable, we don't watch football). You really don't need to pass Social Studies, or understand what those big stars on the map stand for, to get the name of the capital of Brazil right. Any idiot, can simply watch that film classic, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, and get this little factoid right.